Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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