I will die if light touches me.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
