Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
