Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
