They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
