We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
