Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
