i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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