Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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