Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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