oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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