Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
