I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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