Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
