you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
