considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
