I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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