so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
