I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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