a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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