Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
