It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
