Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
