My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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