I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
