I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
