You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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