i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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