Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
