Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
