im six kinds of drunk right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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