I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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