he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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