sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
