Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
