The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you win again, gameday.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
