if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
