If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
