If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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