you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
