I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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