if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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