I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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