i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
