Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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