Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you win again, gameday.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
