I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
