found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
