nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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