I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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