last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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